I stand in my mirror and look at my reflection. I’m no longer a child nor teenager, or lady. I am a woman, a full grown woman and it seemed like yesterday my mom was brushing my hair in pig tails. I remember my first love my first heartbreak. I wish the first heartbreak was my last. A swirl of exes cross my mind. I wonder how a few of them are doing? I always wondered was that their intentions to hurt me? I untie my robe to get dressed. I remembered when my closet was full of dark colors and boy like clothes to hide my body. I didn’t accept it until after high school. Now, my closet is full of curvaceous clothing to hug every inch of me. I’m still a tall 5’9 without my heels. Who would have thought animal print corsets and high heels. Shy chubby girl doesn’t exists anymore. Just a curvalicious vixen with a healthy sexuality and sex life. Nothing is ever too taboo. Never stopped allowing myself to be happy as I look at the flowers on my vanity from my new found love. Biological clock is ticking because I have yet to hear the patterning of little tiny feet. Education I have it still working on it. Diamond ring not one on my finger yet. Once upon of time I thought I was going to be the future Mrs.Jones. Dressing myself with my t-shirt and jeans, its nice to be the girl next door sometimes. Can’t believe I gave the guy next door a chance. Did I mention we were only a couple for a day. Yet we were inseparable when we kids. Dang it why do I wear these heels? I guess its for the added sex appeal. Then I wonder what are they looking at? I can’t help it I have created a brand new me. My exes are green with envy. I cried my tears after all you broke my heart. I gave you the tears you wanted from me. Want more well I won’t give you because I’m drunk on new love. I stride in my red pumps head held high. Nope no one can knock me off my high horse. I told you I was gonna write a book and guess what I wrote it. Finally time to let all my talents shine. Its a million things to do in a day. Yet I do a thousand things that I couldn’t get done yesterday. I strive so hard because I’m my biggest fan. Even if no one ever truly cares for the novels I writes who cares. Because everyday this is me. Me at my best.
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Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight. Lust can get mistaken for love. You barely know them and you think you love them. When I was young and in my early 20s I believed in love at first sight. Come the second relationship of my adult life. I waited eight months before I hit him with the I love you. He never believed me until I left his ass. He was truly the love of my life. Now its over and since then I have been living better days. Love is a strong word that should used with caution. Most sick individuals use love to gain whatever it is that they are seeking. Users is what I call them; they like to take advantage and for granted the love someone holds for them. Users create holes in the heart of loving free spirited people like I. I believe there should be no time limit when the word should be used. Whenever your heart says spill it, say it. Well, what if they don’t say it back? Thats fine at least its out there and there are no tug of war of emotions on the inside. You never know he or she may feel the same way and was just waiting on you to make that move. Women tend to make the first move because we are more secure in knowing what we want. In the beginning I thought every guy I dated could be the one. It took my first heart break to realize men can deceive you and break all the promises he made. Even worst, someone can pretend they love you. Then later reveal ” I never loved you anyway.” Its either one or two things you want to do to that person. Cry or kick their ass either way its humiliating. Then you retreat and tell yourself you are not dating for a while. Then eventually you find yourself lonely. Throwing your phone against the wall for the hundredth time because on your Facebook newsfeed is crowded with date night pics and couples. “Grrrrrrr”
Oh how you wish you could transform yourself into black Cupid and distribute your black arrows and wreck havoc on love birds every where with your bitterness. As you fly around with your evil grin chanting “Welcome to my world.” My only advice to you. Snap out of it and before you step back out into the world of love and dating. Leave the bitterness behind and develop some form of training wheels to ease back into dating game.
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