I stand in my mirror and look at my reflection. I’m no longer a child nor teenager, or lady. I am a woman, a full grown woman and it seemed like yesterday my mom was brushing my hair in pig tails. I remember my first love my first heartbreak. I wish the first heartbreak was my last. A swirl of exes cross my mind. I wonder how a few of them are doing? I always wondered was that their intentions to hurt me? I untie my robe to get dressed. I remembered when my closet was full of dark colors and boy like clothes to hide my body. I didn’t accept it until after high school. Now, my closet is full of curvaceous clothing to hug every inch of me. I’m still a tall 5’9 without my heels. Who would have thought animal print corsets and high heels. Shy chubby girl doesn’t exists anymore. Just a curvalicious vixen with a healthy sexuality and sex life. Nothing is ever too taboo. Never stopped allowing myself to be happy as I look at the flowers on my vanity from my new found love. Biological clock is ticking because I have yet to hear the patterning of little tiny feet. Education I have it still working on it. Diamond ring not one on my finger yet. Once upon of time I thought I was going to be the future Mrs.Jones. Dressing myself with my t-shirt and jeans, its nice to be the girl next door sometimes. Can’t believe I gave the guy next door a chance. Did I mention we were only a couple for a day. Yet we were inseparable when we kids. Dang it why do I wear these heels? I guess its for the added sex appeal. Then I wonder what are they looking at? I can’t help it I have created a brand new me. My exes are green with envy. I cried my tears after all you broke my heart. I gave you the tears you wanted from me. Want more well I won’t give you because I’m drunk on new love. I stride in my red pumps head held high. Nope no one can knock me off my high horse. I told you I was gonna write a book and guess what I wrote it. Finally time to let all my talents shine. Its a million things to do in a day. Yet I do a thousand things that I couldn’t get done yesterday. I strive so hard because I’m my biggest fan. Even if no one ever truly cares for the novels I writes who cares. Because everyday this is me. Me at my best.
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When I stand in the mirror I see Sierra. Its a blessing to know that I have accepted myself as a woman and now that I am a woman I realize that my flaws and mistakes only made me stronger. Another lesson I learned during my journey in womanhood. Is that its okay to love, except love yourself first and enough self love is never too much you dont need a man to validate the woman you are. I’m in love and that’s a blessing but because I loved God and myself first I gained that blessings. To all my ladies going thru it and you know what I mean. Find faith, keep the hope and love yourself.
I want to be like a butterfly. Leave the land under my feet touching the clouds with my fingertips. A new journey to unexplored worlds. Uncreated memories are almost at reach. Does my destiny awaits me? Love sweeter than a honeycomb from a honey bee. Me free to be me. The winds captures all my emotions like leaves blowing my emotions around as if it has fallen off trees. Is it possible love as freed me? Being afraid of heights as weakened me. Afraid no more shall I be.
I know you are wondering what the hell smash or pass. A week ago I was researching sexual positions. Yes sex positions, I know what you thinking. I’m a fun girl and I love to experiment. I came across an article about why you should smash and not pass a fat chick. In other words to have sex with a fat girl don’t decline. First and foremost I hate the word fat. Hell I prefer overweight. Fat is like a huge down grade for me. This guy basically was saying sex with a big girl is a huge plus because we are desperate. We like food after sex. We go to sleep because sex is like exercise and we don’t exercise so after sex we are exhausted. Which means no nagging pillow talk. We won’t complain because we are so happy for the attention and action. We are less likely to say no to sexual advances. This post was from a college frat boy. All of these things are so not true. I’m a full figured diva I’m 5’9 360. I’m a size 26. I’m a beautiful chocolate amazon I’m proud. I personally workout and eat healthy now only because I want a lifestyle change. Just wanna live longer. My idea goal 200 pounds. I don’t want to weigh any less. I love my curves. This article hurt my feelings. Making it seem like plus size women have a sucky sex life and we are desperate. Well, I’m speaking for all the curvalicious divas when I say this. If we are not having sex its not because we don’t get it. Its probably because we are tired from it. We have admirers and I dunno know about you I do and I get tired of all the advances and ass slapping. We have Goddesses modeled after our bodies. Our clothes fit us better, I love my skinny jeans and heels. Most of us are flexible, I get in positions even a skinny girl can’t get into. I can throw it back, skinny girls can’t throw back unless you got a big booty. I’m already blessed. Not every big girl has flab. I’m more solid muscle and less fat. I can run a mile, after sex I’m never TIRED, I’m full of energy how about round two? I will have you feeding me and carrying me around like a goddess when I’m done with you. Size is exactly that a size it doesn’t determine a woman’s ability. We as plus size women need to embrace our bodies. Love ourselves there is nothing more sexy than a woman that is comfortable in her skin. My guy loves it when I put on my clothes and doll myself up and walk tall in my shoes. As for the college boy who wrote the lets degrade the fat chicks article. I would love to make you eat your words and have you fat with humiliation. Yes I would screw you until you couldn’t take it anymore. Oh, poor poor baby are you tired? Sleepy??? Oh take a nap. I guess I will take my fat ass in the kitchen and have an orgasm with a nice warm glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut. Yummy.
I even write books about beautiful full figured women.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight. Lust can get mistaken for love. You barely know them and you think you love them. When I was young and in my early 20s I believed in love at first sight. Come the second relationship of my adult life. I waited eight months before I hit him with the I love you. He never believed me until I left his ass. He was truly the love of my life. Now its over and since then I have been living better days. Love is a strong word that should used with caution. Most sick individuals use love to gain whatever it is that they are seeking. Users is what I call them; they like to take advantage and for granted the love someone holds for them. Users create holes in the heart of loving free spirited people like I. I believe there should be no time limit when the word should be used. Whenever your heart says spill it, say it. Well, what if they don’t say it back? Thats fine at least its out there and there are no tug of war of emotions on the inside. You never know he or she may feel the same way and was just waiting on you to make that move. Women tend to make the first move because we are more secure in knowing what we want. In the beginning I thought every guy I dated could be the one. It took my first heart break to realize men can deceive you and break all the promises he made. Even worst, someone can pretend they love you. Then later reveal ” I never loved you anyway.” Its either one or two things you want to do to that person. Cry or kick their ass either way its humiliating. Then you retreat and tell yourself you are not dating for a while. Then eventually you find yourself lonely. Throwing your phone against the wall for the hundredth time because on your Facebook newsfeed is crowded with date night pics and couples. “Grrrrrrr”
Oh how you wish you could transform yourself into black Cupid and distribute your black arrows and wreck havoc on love birds every where with your bitterness. As you fly around with your evil grin chanting “Welcome to my world.” My only advice to you. Snap out of it and before you step back out into the world of love and dating. Leave the bitterness behind and develop some form of training wheels to ease back into dating game.
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About two weeks ago I found myself sitting at a booth at Denny’s with a complete stranger. Well, not totally a stranger but on a date with a guy named Tom. I’m saying to myself; you can’t be serious you just got out of a relationship three months ago. If he is another loser I’m done. I just may consider packing my bags and moving to an Amish town. Do they even accept black people? If not a nun won’t be so bad. At first I don’t even want to look at him. However if I wanted to be a bitch I should have took my ass home after work. So I finally open my eyes and my mouth to get to know this guy who called himself Tom. As we were talking I notice his big brown eyes. He was two inches shorter than me and to top it all off he was the cream in my coffee. The date was going fine except for all the annoying stares. Interracial couple yes, however you don’t really see a white guy with a black beautiful amazon everyday. So its normal for people to stare at things they believe are foreign and not the norm. Being attracted to white guys are my normal. Except the ones I dated before never lead to anything but a few one nightstands because it was just a white man who wanted to fulfill a fantasy or the white guys that want to be black. Ugh, if I wanted a black man I would not be dating you! Tom and I chatted for hours. We have a lot in common even the same views on somethings. Afterwards he walked me to my car. No traditional goodnight kiss. Instead we just stared at each other. So I will see you tomorrow I hope. He asked. Yea if you want. I got in my car and drove away. I got home showered and sprawled out on my comfy bed. My phone begin to ring. It was Tom, I answered only to hear him say, I really like you and I find you very attractive. Thank you I replied. After another hour long conversation I went to bed. Every since that first date I have seen him almost everyday. For the last two weeks. Just to think I was about to give up. I guess there is a man out there for me after all. Tall, vanilla,and handsome. When you are open minded the possibilities are endless.
My relationship ended before it even came to life. Being young and falling in love is just an experience that can’t be explain. Everyone has experienced different things. Every person experience isn’t the same. When you are young in your early twenties like I was eight years ago. Your prorities are different and your biological clock doesn’t exists.
Wow, like what’s a biological clock?” I asked my doctor when I was twenty one. Anyway,my love of my life and I met when I was twenty-six. He was everything to me, we had a fire but a cold flame. I fell in love with a bitter soul. My age has innocence and disadvantages when it comes to a relationship like this. In other words I was played. He was swift, fast, and smart. His bedroom room skills were heaven on earth. Middleage man, he was knocking 40 at the door last time I checked. He was bitter from a failed relationship. I took punishment for someone else mistakes. It had even gotten to the point were his memories became crossed, mistaking me for her. The lies I hate lies. The sex oh how I loved his sex. The fights, were fought every night. His darkest hours sent me down a dark highway. With my bagagges of emotion scattered out on the dark road. This road goes on forever its almost never ending. Where does it end. If I can gather my emotions there is a light that awaits me.