I want to be like a butterfly. Leave the land under my feet touching the clouds with my fingertips. A new journey to unexplored worlds. Uncreated memories are almost at reach. Does my destiny awaits me? Love sweeter than a honeycomb from a honey bee. Me free to be me. The winds captures all my emotions like leaves blowing my emotions around as if it has fallen off trees. Is it possible love as freed me? Being afraid of heights as weakened me. Afraid no more shall I be.
I know you are wondering what the hell smash or pass. A week ago I was researching sexual positions. Yes sex positions, I know what you thinking. I’m a fun girl and I love to experiment. I came across an article about why you should smash and not pass a fat chick. In other words to have sex with a fat girl don’t decline. First and foremost I hate the word fat. Hell I prefer overweight. Fat is like a huge down grade for me. This guy basically was saying sex with a big girl is a huge plus because we are desperate. We like food after sex. We go to sleep because sex is like exercise and we don’t exercise so after sex we are exhausted. Which means no nagging pillow talk. We won’t complain because we are so happy for the attention and action. We are less likely to say no to sexual advances. This post was from a college frat boy. All of these things are so not true. I’m a full figured diva I’m 5’9 360. I’m a size 26. I’m a beautiful chocolate amazon I’m proud. I personally workout and eat healthy now only because I want a lifestyle change. Just wanna live longer. My idea goal 200 pounds. I don’t want to weigh any less. I love my curves. This article hurt my feelings. Making it seem like plus size women have a sucky sex life and we are desperate. Well, I’m speaking for all the curvalicious divas when I say this. If we are not having sex its not because we don’t get it. Its probably because we are tired from it. We have admirers and I dunno know about you I do and I get tired of all the advances and ass slapping. We have Goddesses modeled after our bodies. Our clothes fit us better, I love my skinny jeans and heels. Most of us are flexible, I get in positions even a skinny girl can’t get into. I can throw it back, skinny girls can’t throw back unless you got a big booty. I’m already blessed. Not every big girl has flab. I’m more solid muscle and less fat. I can run a mile, after sex I’m never TIRED, I’m full of energy how about round two? I will have you feeding me and carrying me around like a goddess when I’m done with you. Size is exactly that a size it doesn’t determine a woman’s ability. We as plus size women need to embrace our bodies. Love ourselves there is nothing more sexy than a woman that is comfortable in her skin. My guy loves it when I put on my clothes and doll myself up and walk tall in my shoes. As for the college boy who wrote the lets degrade the fat chicks article. I would love to make you eat your words and have you fat with humiliation. Yes I would screw you until you couldn’t take it anymore. Oh, poor poor baby are you tired? Sleepy??? Oh take a nap. I guess I will take my fat ass in the kitchen and have an orgasm with a nice warm glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut. Yummy.
I even write books about beautiful full figured women.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight. Lust can get mistaken for love. You barely know them and you think you love them. When I was young and in my early 20s I believed in love at first sight. Come the second relationship of my adult life. I waited eight months before I hit him with the I love you. He never believed me until I left his ass. He was truly the love of my life. Now its over and since then I have been living better days. Love is a strong word that should used with caution. Most sick individuals use love to gain whatever it is that they are seeking. Users is what I call them; they like to take advantage and for granted the love someone holds for them. Users create holes in the heart of loving free spirited people like I. I believe there should be no time limit when the word should be used. Whenever your heart says spill it, say it. Well, what if they don’t say it back? Thats fine at least its out there and there are no tug of war of emotions on the inside. You never know he or she may feel the same way and was just waiting on you to make that move. Women tend to make the first move because we are more secure in knowing what we want. In the beginning I thought every guy I dated could be the one. It took my first heart break to realize men can deceive you and break all the promises he made. Even worst, someone can pretend they love you. Then later reveal ” I never loved you anyway.” Its either one or two things you want to do to that person. Cry or kick their ass either way its humiliating. Then you retreat and tell yourself you are not dating for a while. Then eventually you find yourself lonely. Throwing your phone against the wall for the hundredth time because on your Facebook newsfeed is crowded with date night pics and couples. “Grrrrrrr”
Oh how you wish you could transform yourself into black Cupid and distribute your black arrows and wreck havoc on love birds every where with your bitterness. As you fly around with your evil grin chanting “Welcome to my world.” My only advice to you. Snap out of it and before you step back out into the world of love and dating. Leave the bitterness behind and develop some form of training wheels to ease back into dating game.
About two weeks ago I found myself sitting at a booth at Denny’s with a complete stranger. Well, not totally a stranger but on a date with a guy named Tom. I’m saying to myself; you can’t be serious you just got out of a relationship three months ago. If he is another loser I’m done. I just may consider packing my bags and moving to an Amish town. Do they even accept black people? If not a nun won’t be so bad. At first I don’t even want to look at him. However if I wanted to be a bitch I should have took my ass home after work. So I finally open my eyes and my mouth to get to know this guy who called himself Tom. As we were talking I notice his big brown eyes. He was two inches shorter than me and to top it all off he was the cream in my coffee. The date was going fine except for all the annoying stares. Interracial couple yes, however you don’t really see a white guy with a black beautiful amazon everyday. So its normal for people to stare at things they believe are foreign and not the norm. Being attracted to white guys are my normal. Except the ones I dated before never lead to anything but a few one nightstands because it was just a white man who wanted to fulfill a fantasy or the white guys that want to be black. Ugh, if I wanted a black man I would not be dating you! Tom and I chatted for hours. We have a lot in common even the same views on somethings. Afterwards he walked me to my car. No traditional goodnight kiss. Instead we just stared at each other. So I will see you tomorrow I hope. He asked. Yea if you want. I got in my car and drove away. I got home showered and sprawled out on my comfy bed. My phone begin to ring. It was Tom, I answered only to hear him say, I really like you and I find you very attractive. Thank you I replied. After another hour long conversation I went to bed. Every since that first date I have seen him almost everyday. For the last two weeks. Just to think I was about to give up. I guess there is a man out there for me after all. Tall, vanilla,and handsome. When you are open minded the possibilities are endless.
Still full of surprises, I said to myself.
I walked Kay Kay to the door.
“Thank you,” I said.
I closed the door and sat on the bed going through the package. Inside was a birth certificate, social security card, and passport. Nomi Malone, I laughed out loud. How in the hell did he remember that. Nomi Malone was the name of the main character in the movie Show Girls, the movie that inspired me to dance. I told Harris how I used to sneak and watch it late at night because I was too young to be watching such things on cable. My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. It was Peaches.
“Sorry I’m late, my damn neighbor wanted me to take her to the store. I got the key; so what’s up?”
“I need you to go in the flour canister and get out the two grand. That should be enough to move me.”
“What? Move why?”
“For the last few nights, someone in a black Camaro has been watching me. When you go in, pretend like I’m there, but I’m sick. I have made reservations with a storage unit in South County. Get the moving company to move all my belongings there. I need you to get the girls together to pack up my clothes and personal items. Everything else is storage. Make sure there is no one watching you or following you when you leave. I need all this done tomorrow before night fall.”
“All this damn work! What about your gun?”
“It’s in the trunk of the car at Enterprise. I had to get a rental, no one can be aware of the changes that I’m making. I don’t know if the Camaro belongs to Justin and his goons or my cousins spying. I’m not taking any chances. My flight will arrive back in St. Louis at 6 p.m. Meet me at the Eclipse Restaurant at the Moon Rise Hotel; that’s where I will be staying. Tell Mikki to come too.”
“All right, be safe, and I got you.”
After hanging up there was a text from Cameron.
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” What goes around comes around. Don’t get caught in a karma curse.”
I stood in the mirror staring at my naked body. “What shall I wear?” I thought to myself. I had a date with my landlord hell what was his name? I checked the lease he slipped in my mailbox this morning. Oh his name is Brad, how cute. I rambled through my suitcases. I needed to go furniture shopping. I had slept on a air mattress last night. I found it, my damage blue jean short shorts and my zebra print Marilyn halter swimsuit. It was very sexy for a one piece. I got dressed, the shorts were cute not too much butt cheek but enough for a teaser. I slid my feet into my black flip flops. I styled my hair in long flowing waves. I applied bronzer to my chocolate brown skin, I dressed my eyes with Dior waterproof mascara and golden eye shadow. I applied my pink tone lipgloss and blew a kiss at the mirror. I heard his motorcycle pull in the driveway. I grabbed my brown and white Henri Bendal tote walking out the door.
” Wow, I never rode on the back of a Harley before.” I said walking towards him.
“First time for everything.” He said smiling at me. I mounted the back of the bike and put my arms tightly around his nicely toned waist. I wonder whats underneath. We pulled out into the street headed into town. We finally arrived at beachfront with motorcycles everywhere. The smell of grilled meats and seafood filled the air. Tanned beauties of all races roamed the beach with their dates. I spotted two bars amongst the crowd. I should have known what is a biker party without the booze.
” Your idea of a first date?” I asked
” Not trying to be funny or anything but you seem like you could use some fun.” He said, helping me off the bike.
“What happened to your leg?” He asked, looking at the bandage that covered my bullet wound.
” I was shot while defending myself.” I said. I took the red bandana off his head and tied it around the bandage.
“Now, I fit in.” I said smiling. He grabbed my hand and we headed towards the bar. Three blondes were working their daisies and their boots. Not to mention serving drinks to the thirsty crowd. We ordered Patron tequila shots. The blonde bar tender served us a tray with six shots,lemon and lime pieces sprinkled with salt.
“Are you sure you can handle your liquor?” He said laughing.
I wrapped my lips around the shotglass,tilting my head back consuming its contents. I popped the lemon in my mouth sucking softly.
” Your turn tough guy.”
He bit the lemon first and quickly drank the shot. He threw back another after that.
” So you want to challenge me?” I asked, I round up the remaining three shots and finished them off. He just stared at me amazed.
“Another round” he shouted to the bar tender. We finished off three rounds before we left the bar. He grabbed my hand and led me to ocean. The caked sand felt funny in my flipflops so I decided to take them off. He playfully swooped me up in his arms spinning me around. We chased each other like children around the beach. We flopped down into the sand breathing heavily.
“You beautiful you know that.” He said running his fingers through my damp hair. He moved in closer for a kiss. I kissed his lips, softly stroking his vanilla tan skin. He positioned his body on top of me kissing me as the waves caressed our skin. I pulled his wet t-shirt off throwing it a side. I removed my shorts. I reached in my tote for a condom.
” What are you doing?” he asks.
” I want you to make love to me right now. I have never made love on a beach. Don’t you have fantasies?” I asked playfully. Fantasies do come true.
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